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It's been a while. I've had COVID. I've written a couple stories (yet to find homes) and articles over on Horror Press. I got a job at a local library. I decided on a grad school (take two). But most recently, I made an appearance on a new podcast!
In high school and college, I was involved with the school radio programs. Man, I loved being on air. This podcast experience was quite a bit different than queueing up and talking about music, though. My lovely writing buddy Laura Nettles recently launched a podcast called Twisted Tendrils: Horrific Writing Advice. As you might guess, it specializes in horror writing-oriented discussions. The episode I helped with, number eleven, is titled "The Importance of Sadness in Horror," and we talk about mental health, its representation in horror, and why we might be drawn to "the feels." I had so much fun talking with Laura about this matter that is so dear to me. Even if you're not a horror writer or a writer of any sort, there's still value in this discussion. You can find the podcast wherever you usually listen to them. Here are a couple links: Once you give it a listen, I'd love to know your thoughts! Leave a comment on the podcast itself or on my website, send me an email, or catch me in person sometime. Until next time, my dudes . . .
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Not only did I get my first professional writing gig, but it's for a horror-dedicated website that is live as of today! Here's a link to my articles, with more on the way: https://horrorpress.com/author/amanda/
I am thrilled to have this job. As you all should know, I love spooky crap, so Horror Press is a perfect outlet for my thoughts. I've only done movie reviews so far, but there's a board game review coming down the pipe and hopefully some book reviews in the future. Feel free (or encouraged) to show your support by reading, commenting, and sharing. Just be aware that the website is too new to have passed Facebook and Instagram's community standards, so my linktree will be a better option for sharing. Here it is: https://linktr.ee/amandanevadademel As always, I appreciate everyone's support. I hope to share more good news soon! The official release date for the anthology Howls from Hell is . . . today! You can read my short story "Duplicitous Wings" within its haunting pages. Accompanying each story is a delightfully creepy illustration by one of the HOWL Society members. My story was captured in art form by Joe Radkins. He's so talented (as are all the authors and artists involved, but I have a personal connection to this specific piece of his).
"Duplicitous Wings" is a tale about family and revenge, primarily. Although it's not as intense or "deep" as some of my other work, I still like this fun romp of a story. I'd love to hear your thoughts! You can get the anthology in paperback or as an ebook. The paperback is only available on Amazon (right now, at least), but the ebook is available from a plethora of vendors. You can also check the Writing page on this very blog for more links.  Hello, dear readers and friends! What a fine year this is turning out to be! (Not really . . . the pandemic is still raging, the US bombed Syria just a little over a month into the new administration, a bunch of Jews dressed in blackface for Purim, etc. But here's to hope?)
Depressing news aside, I have an exciting announcement. I will be published in another anthology! Titled Howls from Hell, this anthology features horror stories from members of my book club (the Horror-Obsessed Writing and Literature Society, or HOWLS for short) and a foreword from the fabulous Grady Hendrix. The cover reveal is today, March 5, and the publication date is May 18. You can preorder it here. By preordering, you will not only be supporting me, but also a bunch of other upcoming writers. What better way to show support than by reading our work? Oh, also, I got accepted into grad school for a creative writing program. So that's good too. Wow, would you look at that? Only four and a half days left of 2020 (for those in Eastern Standard Time, at least). What a nightmare this year has been. We, as a planet, have dealt with COVID, countless deaths of loved ones and public figures, wild fires spreading out of control, and incompetent governmental leaders, among other crises. There have been moments of light, too. It's important that we don't overlook those.
A personal moment of light came in the form of simply surviving the year. My depression, though still severe, has not taken over. I have motivation more days than not. I am able to get out of bed, to write, to draw (most days). When I feel myself getting to a very dark, very familiar place, I've been working on telling myself, "No, you don't actually want to do this. You aren't where you once were. This is a set back. Recovery is not a straight line." My therapist has been working with me on self-compassion. Let me tell you, it's difficult. I like to joke that I don't have low self-esteem, I have no self-esteem. I think it's funny, even if it is a problem. Another ray of light was from my main project of the year: applying to graduate school. As of a couple weeks ago, all applications have been submitted! I am filled with relief, accomplishment, and crushing dread. I know it's a big deal to have even applied. It was a long, difficult process. In fact, it was so difficult that I was tempted to give up a few times. I was frozen by fear, by self-doubt, by imposter syndrome. But in the end, my desire to go back to the world of academia and my passion for writing were stronger than my fear of rejection. Huh. Writing that out is weird. I think it's a good weird, though. It's like . . . I am stronger, more determined than I thought. Well done, me. One more beam of light shone on me yesterday. I started writing a new story! It's been months since I worked on something new. Getting back into the flow of new writing is not easy, considering that I've been editing older work for nearly a year now. You know how it is, with mental illness, grad school applications, working two jobs, moving to a new place, and general life responsibilities. I've had ideas for new work, sure, but fleshing out those ideas wasn't a priority. Now that my applications are submitted, I can get into new projects again. It's pleasantly surprising, even if it is challenging. Dear readers, what events have shed light on you this year? I'd love to hear about an act of kindness, some progress in your occupation, a new hobby, anything. Of course, let's not forget the bad. Without the negative, there is no positive. 12:01 on January 1 isn't going to change everything. It'll be a new year, a new month, a new day, but our traumas and pains will still be present. I just think that we've dealt with enough crap this year. Let's lift each other up. Let's end the year smiling. It is Halloween! And, boy, does it look strange this year. I had planned on making and wearing a costume this year, but that fell through. Not only do I not have a place to wear it to (thanks, COVID), but I'm working all day and moving into a new house next week. I couldn't even decorate my living space this year! It's a tragedy, I tell you.
There is, however, a silver lining. It's not really about the situation or circumstances, but more about an event. Or, more accurately, a publication. That's right! I have a new publication! As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I was writing a nonfiction article for my book club's website. The HOWL Society, as we've named ourselves, recently launched a website, and I had the honor of contributing the first blog post/article. You can read it here. The topic is the appeal of horror fiction. I thoroughly enjoyed writing in a semi-academic tone again and being able to gush about my love for the macabre. Another silver lining is that it is my love John Keats's birthday today. If you aren't familiar, he was a poet who lived from 1795 to 1821. He died at age 25 from tuberculosis. Before that, though, he wrote the most gorgeous poetry I have ever read, as well as some of the most romantic (pun intended), heartbreakingly beautiful letters. You can read some of his poems here. Lastly, tomorrow is the first day of NaNoWriMo. I don't think I'll get very far this year, what with moving and working and grad school applications and mental health complications, but I will do my best. That's all that matters in the end, isn't it? So, my dear readers, I will leave you with my best wishes for a terribly terrific Halloween. I am part of a few writing communities on Discord. In one of them, there is a channel called #egos-blog-challenge where blooming authors are given prompts for blog posts. I was particularly interested in the challenge posted yesterday. The challenge is to engage readers in a more personal post, which ideally informs them of the author's current interests. Without further ado, here is my Currently list.
Other than the book club, I've been reading The Berlin Stories by Christopher Isherwood and Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton. What can I say? I'm a book juggler.
Also, I'm writing a nonfiction article for the book club's website. The article will be a brief and broad overview of the appeal of horror fiction. I'm very excited to be writing it and doing research. I miss writing essays for college.
Let's not forget podcasts! I've been listening to quite a few. Three of my favorite subjects for podcasts are Old Hollywood, serial killers, and the nuances of the English language.
Now, my dear readers, what about you? What are you loving, reading, watching, writing, listening to, thinking about, and anticipating/wishing for? More importantly, what is making you happy? Let me know in the comments!  You may also be wondering what this image depicts. It is an AlphaSmart 3000, which is a portable word processor from 2002. I got this relic to help with my writing focus.
Instead of being distracted with the Internet and apps and such, I can turn on the AlphaSmart 3000 and type without connecting. I can simply start typing without booting up or opening any programs or tabs. Since it doesn't have any sort of Internet, I can close my laptop and force myself not to get distracted. It also helps with not doing excessive research. Researching before or during writing is excellent, but there is a point where it turns into an escape rather than a help. You might be wondering why I don't just handwrite to avoid getting distracted. I do write by hand quite often, but it's a pain to type it all up at the end of the day. Imagine handwriting an entire novel and then having to type it up. Yikes. That hassle also gives me an excuse to put off moving forward. I find that handwriting is best in the beginning stages for me, especially with planning the plot and character development. The AlphaSmart 3000 is incredibly lightweight, and it has a small, matte screen. This makes it perfect to bring around with me and to use outside. Also, it runs on batteries, so I don't need to worry about finding an outlet. The last benefit I'll bore you with is about perfectionism. I tend to rewrite words, sentences, paragraphs, pages, even full chapters, plenty of times before I'm somewhat content. Obviously, this habit often prevents me from just writing the next scene. Because of the tiny screen on my new device, I can't easily go back to the beginning of a paragraph and rewrite it. I have to move on. Hopefully using the AlphaSmart will help me break the nitpicking habit. When I'm done with a scene, I can plug the fossil into my computer and transfer the document. It can hold eight documents of about twelve pages each, by the way. If you're interested in getting one of these not-so-fancy machines, you might have to search around a bit. The product is no longer being made, but you can find used ones online. The going price is around 30 USD at the time of this writing. I got mine on eBay. Thank you for sticking with me this far. As usual, I have a few parting notes to bestow upon you.
As you may know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Mental health has long been a cause about which I am passionate. This year we can't support each other in person (or at least we shouldn't be getting together. STAY INSIDE), but there are resources to help us along. Even if you don't have a diagnosis (which is a classist way of gatekeeping mental illness), and even if you feel fine today, there is no way of knowing what tomorrow holds. Will we get out of this quarantine? Are all our loved ones safe? Will we get our jobs back? Those are just some common concerns of the day. For people with mental illnesses, there are likely many more questions and doubts. Moreover, much of the neurodivergent population is at risk for exacerbated symptoms, if they aren't showing them already.
It is no secret that I struggle with mental illness. I have a few diagnoses, but as I mentioned before, that is not a legitimate way to classify the state of my health. (More information about the classism of diagnoses here.) It is comforting, however, to be classified . . . for me, at least. Having diagnoses is like knowing that I belong to a community. They are helpful labels for me. They make me realize that I am not alone in my struggle. To me, the most meaningful "official" label I've gotten is bipolar disorder. It explains why I have mood swings, why my days are more unpredictable than many others', why I can go from euphoric and high-energy to despondent and lethargic. Knowing that I am bipolar gives me comfort, but mental illness diagnoses aren't like that for everyone. Most people are not happy to hear that they have a condition of any sort. Add the stigma about neurodivergence to that base feeling, and you're likely to see a person rebelling against their nature. We need to normalize mental illness. It is an invisible disability that affects millions of people in the US alone. When we see mental illness in a negative light and criticize those who struggle, we certainly aren't doing them any favors. In fact, those actions make treatment significantly more difficult. And let's not forget the stigma against medication. I've been told so many disgusting things:
I believe the first step in helping those of us who deal with mental illness is to simply be aware of our struggles. They are real. They are not easily "cured." But we are not lost causes. Be compassionate, be patient with us, and at least try to accept that we deal with additional burdens. This Mental Health Awareness Month, I ask you to think about your perspective on mental illness. Maybe that involves reading some articles. Maybe you need to talk to some neurodivergent friends (And yes, you have them. Everyone does.). You might even consider donating to mental health initiatives. Just, please, do something. We need to come together in these times. Aren't we alienated enough? Before I go, here are two links for you:
Greetings! I'm posting today about something I did last week. It was a twelve-hour writing marathon. Due to being out of work, I've been trying to be more productive with my passions. I know that simply surviving in these time is an accomplishment, and that I am not obligated to produce my next great work in quarantine, but I want to be productive. I need to create to survive. This marathon was difficult, tiring, long (obviously), and rewarding. So, I woke up one day at 8:30 AM, which is an ungodly hour for me, and I started writing at 9:00. I tried to persevere until 9:00 PM, but it got to be a bit too much around 7:00. I ended up doing a ton of planning on my two novels, conducting a good deal of research, and writing 4,250 words for a couple stories. Yes, it was a perfect 4,250 words! Although I had to give up before twelve hours were done, it still felt great to be so productive. I would have liked to write more than I did, but I'm proud of that number nonetheless. Overall, the day was fabulous, if exhausting. It showed me that I can sit down and work. It also showed me the benefits of actually setting aside chunks of time for writing. Usually I just write when I get the inspiration or when I have the time. Yes, I know that almost all successful authors say you have to write everyday, and I have been trying to do that, but setting aside the time is so important. Especially giving myself big slots of time, not just 45 minutes or so. With some more practice, I think I could make it to the twelve-hour mark. The marathon was such a rewarding experience. What have you been working on during quarantine? Any big projects? Any small victories? I hope everyone who is reading this will find some inspiration to do what they love. Good luck! (Hey, look down there! It's the word count of one of my novels from the marathon!)  So, it's been almost five months. What can I say? Life takes over. I got a job I loved, and then COVID-19 hit and I was laid off. I suppose the upside of getting laid off is that I have time to write and post again. Still, it would be nice to have an income . . . Oh well. There are thousands of people in my position, and thousands more who are worse off. I'll make it through.
In other news, I submitted to a big writing contest yesterday. I will not say the name because I probably won't get very far in it, and I don't want to disappoint myself or others. The story was a fantasy/horror tale inspired by Macbeth, and I've been working on it since my last semester of college. It has undergone heavy revisions since its inception, and I'm fairly content with the thirteenth draft (the one I submitted). Let's see if the judges are content with it as well. As previously mentioned, my newly acquired free time provides me an opportunity to create and post. I am surrounded by many drafts of stories, and I have a painting in progress, along with a few drawings. There's also a finished drawing up my sleeve, but I need to watermark it before posting and potentially selling prints. I need to take advantage of this time without putting too much pressure on myself. It's difficult. I'm going to cut myself off before this post gets too long. Stay safe, everyone! Wash your hands! Practice social distancing! Don't hoard toilet paper! It's been ten years since we sat on the couch and started watching Kill Bill. It's been a whole decade since I hurried out of the house to see my friends. I still don't forgive myself for that. My friends would be there the next week, but you would not. I took you for granted, as any twelve-year-old does their parents. I remember I was in a friend's basement, bouncing a little ball between myself and my best friend. I remember pausing as I caught the ball. Something didn't feel right. I brushed it off. Then I got a call that you were in the hospital. But I was sure that you would be fine. It never occurred to me that you could die. Even less did I consider that you could already be gone. There's so much that I never got to share with you. We never got to go to a Dead show together. You didn't see me graduate from middle school, high school, or college. I didn't get to tell you that I made honor roll or Dean's List. I never showed you those rare pieces of my artwork that I'm actually proud of. You never got the chance to read any of my stories. In the past ten years, I've done more than I would like to share. I've experienced despair, joy, hopelessness. When I look back on November 7, 2009, I realize that I was just a baby. I wasn't really a person yet. I would have liked to know you as a person. I would have liked to discuss music, movies, science, anything with you on an intellectual, mature level. Our conversations could only go so deep. I want you to know that, even though I didn't get to explore my interests with you, you have shaped so many of them. Who knows who I'd be without my passions for classic rock and jazz, for old movies, for reading? I could tell so many anecdotes about how you sparked my interests, but I'll spare the readers that pain. Sometimes it feels like you've only been gone a couple years. Sometimes it seems like you were just a puff of smoke in my childhood, here for an instant and destined to disappear. The gaping tear in my heart never feels new, though. It seems to have smoothed around the edges over time. But it will never close. I know that. A decade is a long time. It's true that "all the years combine, they melt into a dream," as they sing in "Stella Blue." It terrifies me to think of how many more years will melt together without you. I guess this is just a very long way to say that I love you, Daddy. And I miss you fiercely every day.  Greetings! It's almost November, which means it's almost National Novel Writing Month.
Although I've participated four times before (I think), I've been unable to get past 30,000 (ish) words. The goal is 50,000 words, by the way. 30,000 isn't bad, though. In fact, I'm quite proud of that year. This year, I will be working on a supernatural suspense novel. It deals with folklore, ghosts, childhood, adulthood, friendship, trust, and death. It's a nice return to my comfort area of horror. The title is still a work in progress, as is the cover. The title will be a challenge, I know, because they almost always are. I am working on cover designs with the talented Virginia deGuzman, who has done some excellent work for me in the past. If you're interested, here is her website. I'm grateful that I don't need to worry about the title or cover until I finish the novel and start to think seriously about publishing. This month (October), I've been working a great deal on planning. I noticed that planning and keeping track of all the characters, locations, plot points, visuals, etc helped me a great deal that year I got 30,000 words. Let's see how far I get this time. Until next time, my friends, I leave you with the best wishes for your health and happiness. And, of course, the spookiest wishes for All Hallow's Eve. Remember the submission to Palamedes Publishing that was due to come out soon? Well, "soon" is today! Okay, maybe the date of publication was actually July 12, but I'm updating everyone now.
You can purchase the anthology Finding Light in Unexpected Places: An Anthology of Surprises as an ebook on Amazon, iTunes, and Kobo. The Amazon link also has the option to buy the book as a paperback. Isn't that exciting? If you want to order the book for a bookstore, or if you want the ISBN number for some other reason, here it is: 978-0-9996930-0-1 My very short piece is about the months after losing my father. I hope I was able to solicit some emotion with my writing. I guess you'll have to let me know. Again, here are the links: Allo! I have some exciting news again.
First, that anthology contribution from Palamedes Publishing will be out soon! I just received an email with what my pages will look like, and I submitted my author bio. This is pretty cool. Of course, I'll update again when the book is available to buy. Second, I have submitted two stories for paid publication in literary magazines. If these get accepted, they will be my first paid gigs! I'm pretty confident in these stories, so I won't be defeated if they are rejected, which is very possible. Third, I started a full time job (finally). The routine is certainly helping my energy and inspiration levels, but I don't have nearly as much time to write or draw. Strangely enough, I'm actually writing much more than I have been over the past few months. Fourth, I am working on a zine with a dear friend who is a graphic designer. The content revolves around horror (surprise, surprise). If you are interested in contributing, please contact me! Other authors and visual artists are absolutely welcome to help out. It's been a while. Sorry about that. But I'm back, and I have news!
First, I am publishing my second short story. The title of this creative nonfiction piece is "Ice Petal Flowers," and it will be published in print. That's very exciting. Palamedes This is my official website! Welcome!
I'll try to update this as often as needed, but no promises. I will probably update more often on Instagram and Tumblr. Are you interested in buying some crap from me? Excellent! I'll be opening a shop soon. In the meantime, you can donate to the worthy cause of a starving artist/poor college student. See the "Support Me!" page for more details. |
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